Posted on Monday March 22nd, 2021 @ 7:28pm by Ensign Ekal Dreisor
Episode 1, Mission Day 13, 2340
We stopped by Deep Space Twelve today. As we came up, the Sixth Fleet blew past us, heading out from the station. Due to their reticence, our captain and executive officer are on the edge of a blade. I'm sure we will learn what the sixth fleet was up to. I'm almost certain they were ready to battle. That kind of fleet doesn't go on pleasure cruises.
To be perfectly fair, the testing was almost more stressful than the encounter for me. I trust CJ's work on the engines, of course, but I worry about slipping up on any of the etiquitte of such testing. Of course I know all the proper protocol, the proper responses, the time to acceleration, giving each test the proper time for settling, but the little things can be difficult to remember.
The encounter, on the other hand, was not as stressful for me as it might be for the captain. I don't have to make the big decisions or order people to fight others and potentially die. I just fly the ship and unify the discipline of the other pilots. Teach flight maneuvers, organize training exercises, and lead the flight crew more generally.
You know, I was never cut out to be a leader as a child. My brother was often the one in charge. We aren't from the officer class, either, but he was more of a leader than I was. My mother was a scientist. My father was enlisted, though as a pilot. Technically, he married into a higher class and she married downward. Not that anyone puts much stock in class structure anyway, but it used to mean a lot more. By birthright, I shouldn't be a leader of any kind, and I wouldn't be if I'd have stayed in Cardassian space. And that's not even taking my deformity into account.
My team has been nothing but polite and professional, but even then, I can't help but wonder how many of them resent having a cardassian chief. The goal is to change that. I'm not naive enough to hope I can, but I will make the attempt. Thus far, I have been able to get everyone comfortable enough to mirror my body language slightly.
And then there's the senior staff. I should be clear, I don't need or even want to be friends with all of them, or any of them really. I seek to gain their approval and acceptance as a measure of safety and security. I can be replaced by many far more approachable and affable flight technicians. We are heading to a volitile region of space in which some of us may lose our lives, and I'm not stupid enough to think that I'm safer than anyone else. I need people who want me around if I'm going to remain around, and who want me for more than my flight skills.
CJ seems kind and welcoming, at least, and I'm happy to make time to build rapport with such an interesting and intelligent individual. Doctor Anjol, while I'm sure the discomfort between us will persist, is warm and professional. I hope I do not cause him undue stress in my presence. I'll have to be careful not to injure myself in recreation. Lahm is probably a good counsellor. His desire for honesty grates on the nerves but his willingness to listen is welcome, especially when I'd often rather listen than speak. I can only hope to make no enemies and more friends.
As for the captain...
I've only spoken with her once, but I appreciate her. Her desire to form a cohesive crew and ensure the comfort of every crew member is an admirable goal for a captain. From what I've observed, she seems to be the kind of captain to trust her crew but push them when necessary. I can appreciate that. I trust her to keep this ship moving. She has my loyalty by default, of course, as the captain of my ship, as my duty requires, but I can't shake the feeling that she deserves my loyalty. As rarely as I've felt that, I'd like to hold onto the feeling.
I should probably find more people to speak with.